Poems For Healing
This collection of resources is both an offering of poems and prompts for providers and survivors to use the creative writing process for self-care and healing.
Writing as Self-care
For me, writing is about my own self-care. It’s something I do for me, whether I decide to share it with others or not. Writing a poem allows me to be reflective, thoughtful, creative, and lets me feel whatever it is I need to feel—grief, sadness, excitement, love, etc. It might be similar for you. And I have also embraced the fact that I didn’t need to share what I wrote if I didn’t want to; the same goes for you. You can even throw it away if you want to—you decide.
Our lives are complex, and we need to take care of ourselves, nurture ourselves, and be with, or find, your circle of friends that can be a part of your self-care process. I know for me, I need to sometimes remind myself to eat better, to sleep more, to do my physical therapy, to drink water, to share time with others, and to address my pain, whether physical, spiritual, or emotional. I also have to say “NO” when needed and feel okay about it. I have a close friend who includes me and others in her daily prayers to remember our health needs. I see her and her prayers as a special bonus to my self-care needs.
There are a few other activities that also make me feel reflective, thoughtful, and creative, and that might be the same for you. I love making jewelry, but it has been too many years since I last did so. I do, however, still have my tools, beads, and related materials, so at some point I will be ready to start again. I also have an unfinished dollhouse, given to me by my four children many years ago. I have furniture for every room, and I have other materials needed to finish off the walls, floors, and other parts of the house. I hope to find a place to set up my dollhouse project in my house and explore what it is I hope to convey through my “little home.”
One of the most special parts of my self-care needs is Boots, my cat of 14 years. I do love this wonderful cat, and as he has gotten older, I have missed spending every day with him. Each time I see him, he cuddles with me and seems happy, but a little sad at the same time. I tell him I will be home as soon as I can, or I will move to where he is able to come with me again. My kids have a big dog or multiple cats, who are fabulous with me, but not so much with Boots. He is part of my self-care, and I am also a big part of his. I want to honor that need.
For those of us who are survivors, we must also think about our safety, including safety planning whenever needed. We may need to love and care for our own bodies in ways we have not done before—this is where exercise and movement, along with good rest, drinking enough water, taking time to relax and be in touch with our breathing, are helpful. Also, participating in our cultural practices or activities may be helpful for some of us, though I recognize that for some, it may not be helpful.
Boundaries and Consent
The boundaries we establish and the consent we give, or don’t give, throughout our lives are a personal right and need. One thing you may need to think about as you reflect on your own self-care and as you may write more, is what your boundaries and consent look like for you.
For example, I recognized that I needed to set parameters regarding both boundaries and consent. For example, it was easy to clarify that I didn’t want anyone else to personally gain from my trauma or my stories, unless I personally hoped for that to happen. So, what could I do or put in place the right steps and decisions to ensure the right outcomes?
What values are most important for me to consider versus needing to give in to others’ needs or values?
What concerns do I have, either generally or if a specific request comes up?
Do I copyright all things or some of them?
Do I make it easy for people to contact me directly?
Do I make things available for free, or do I charge?
Do I explicitly say people can or can not use copies of my work for their own purposes?
Do I have separate considerations for families and friends, or not necessarily?
Do I expect people to honor or protect my privacy?
Do I allow people to approach me with personal requests?
How do I ensure that my self-care is a priority?
Introduction to The Last Girl
by Patti Tototzintle
The Last Girl (previously titled Why I Do What I Do) was written in March 2012 when I was part of the pilot cohort for the Move to End Violence Project (www.movetoendviolence.org). I worked at Casa de Esperanza (now, Esperanza United) as the Associate Director at the time.
The project staff and our cohort went to India as part of our two-year leadership experience where we were hosted by the organization Apne App and its director, Ruchira Gupta. While in Kolkata, we went in small groups to a large red-light district to both better understand sex trafficking and prostitution within a district and to later discuss the critical and often dangerous anti-trafficking work of Apne App daily. Ruchira shared the concept of “the last girl,” based on Mahatma Gandhi’s idea of the last man. The last girls are the girls that are missed, that are not provided with services or assistance because programs or organizations don’t feel it’s the work they should do, or they don’t have enough resources or expertise, yet the last girls are facing the most challenges with the least support or resources.
We knew that getting back home meant we needed to reflect on the reality of our own last girls and how they could best be served. For my organization, three of the groups were Latina girls or women who were being trafficked, immigrant Latinas who lived or were held at the border, and indigenous Latina women who spoke one of many indigenous languages.
Upon my return from India, I wrote about the last girl in a poetry format. We also had organizational and programmatic discussions on expanding our work to include anti-trafficking work and to expand our capacity to serve Latina indigenous women and others in our advocacy services. We completed a research study on Latinas who experienced detention at the border and created trafficking related tools for our advocates. There is always more to do, but I am pleased that the organization became committed to paying attention to our last girls and communities by raising resources and expanding our research and programming.
The Last Girl*
Why do you do the work you do?
I am asked this often.
I do this work because the last girl is still waiting.
Who is this last girl - do we know her?
She is many girls, the girl you don't always think about,
That people don't always see.
Not because she's not there,
But because it's easier to ignore.
Where is this last girl?
She is everywhere.
If we look, we will see her.
She is vulnerable, she has been abused or at risk of being abused.
She doesn't have access to the resources that might be helpful.
She may be hidden and mistreated.
Others may be profiting from her
Or society has yet to show that she really matters.
She may be on her own, struggling to survive.
But she's resilient and beautiful, and deserving of a future.
When we all come together and see her, we will also see the last children, the last woman, the last peoples...
And we can make a difference.
But what happens to everyone else, don't they matter?
Of course, everyone matters.
We have come a long way to ensure changes happened and to support many.
But much has not been achieved and many are still forgotten.
When we successfully embrace and support the last girl
So that she now feels and sees a future she can look forward to
We will better be able to support everyone else in between.
By listening to the last girl, we will learn what we need to better understand.
But this takes all of us working together.
Lifting up the community efforts that have been successful.
Connecting and partnering in ways we've never done before.
It takes a movement to make this happen.
And we don't have a lot of time; the last girl is waiting.
My 71st Year
In my 71st year
I will learn how to retire
But I will also work part time
I want to work, I need to work
In my 71st year
I will develop my budget
And spend less, much less
My savings is almost gone
Not a great reality
In my 71st year
I want to see my family more
Including my amazing granddaughter
We are all planning to cruise together
Creating great new memories
In my 71st year
I need to focus on my health
So, I can enjoy my life fully
I will connect with old friends
And create new friendships
In my 71st year
I will celebrate me, in my 71st year
So, I can be ready for 72.
Writing to Grieve and Celebrate
by Patti Tototzintle
I have four children, though one is no longer here, having passed away from ovarian cancer in 2019, soon after her 44th birthday. Anyone who has lost a child knows that it’s not the way it is supposed to be—at least that’s how it was for me and for the rest of my family. I have written about Maria at different times since then. It brings me joy and sadness, and then joy again, to go through the process of putting down words and letting things flow from my head and heart until I have something that reflects how I experienced and still see and feel my daughter.
I also wrote many poems about my partner of 8 years (well, on-and-off-again partner), who I deeply cared for. He died of cancer in 2009. It helped me tremendously to put my hopes and heart on paper.
If you have lost someone special and it’s heavy going through this grief—for weeks, months, and years, putting on paper your thoughts, memories, and what you want to tell them, may be one way of honoring them and honoring yourself.
Following are two of those poems.
Maria
Maria,
My daughter
My person
My friend
My heart
I think about you so often
And I miss you; we all do
You made our lives better
And we will love you always
A mentor
A volunteer
A videographer and editor
A great storyteller for sure
My daughter
My person
My friend
My heart
Maria,
I will love you forever and a day.
Why Did You Leave Me?
Why did you have to leave
when I needed you most?
You brought me so much joy
and some frustration as well.
But I did love you so.
I know you didn’t have a choice.
Cancer didn’t give you one.
But we thankfully had more time
to create good memories
that are in my heart forever.
You were a blessing in my life.
And for that, I am forever grateful.
We didn’t expect to find each other,
But we did.
I didn’t expect you to leave, but you did.
I will always miss you so.
Sharing Stories
Sharing our personal stories--thoughts, experiences, ideas, loves, challenges, etc., can be a treasure to write about, in whatever format makes sense to you. I choose to write a lot in a poetry format, and it’s clearly my own poetry format. It makes sense to me.
I write for myself, for my healing and my strength, some of which I am willing to share and some of which is for only a few—and that may come after years of it being only for me.
I sometimes start by writing down various words, phrases, and paragraphs here or there. Then I set it aside until other thoughts come up. It comes together over a few times of focusing on it. Other times, the poem or info is already shaping up in my head, and if I can’t write at that moment, I will jot down some thoughts on my phone (Memo Notes). I will formally write the poem as soon as I have some time.
When I write, I sometimes think about family and friends, colors, nature, and animals, and they show up in my writing. I do try hard to be as original as possible, but I think it’s okay to pull in things that mean a lot to me.
The following are some of my writings describing who I am…
I Am…
I am a daughter
And a sister
And a mother
I am a leader
And a mentor
And a friend
I am a believer
And a visionary
And a pathfinder
I am also a listener
And a writer
And a poet, yes, I am.
Who Am I?
Who am I?
I am so many things.
And what am I?
Is that different or the same?
I am Latina, bold and proud
And a mom, loving and complex.
I am a friend, a sister, a leader, and activist
And I am so much more.
I give without expectation
And receive with much grace.
Together we are stronger
And together we prevail.
Who am I with you?
My Colors
I am orange
My Maria’s favorite color
Orange is bold and pretty
Bright and deep
I am purple
Reflecting the queen that I am
I am blue
Beauty of the sky, strength of the sea
I am white
Highlighting the wisdom of an elder
I am red
Fearless and bold
I am of many colors
Too many to note
I move from one to another
To be my best colorful self
Being a Poet
I would love to be a poet
I do like to write
I have a great imagination
But I don't know poetry writing rules
I know there are rules for writing
But maybe I can make up my own
I know I can do that
So, I could definitely be a poet
I can write about me
About my loves and memories
I can write about near and far
And bring my words to life
I can read more poetry
I can write more poetry
And I will be me
Yes, I am a poet
Circle of Friends
I have a circle of friends
They bring light to my life
We are connected even when not together
Everyone needs a circle of friends
That they can rely on for support
But also, for bold truth when needed
A circle of friends is precious as gold
Each one is as special as the other
I am that special person for them too.
Everyone in my circle of friends is badass
Truth tellers and storytellers too
Everyone needs a circle of friends.
The Beauty Around Us
Look at the beauty around you…
a flower garden, a blue sky, an amazing rainbow.
Listen to the beauty around you…
birds chirping, calling out to one another, kids playing in the park.
Smell the beauty around you…
Fresh baked bread, lilacs in the spring, and sweet puppy breath.
Touch the beauty around you…
the hand of someone you know, something you created, or a gift you received.
Beauty is all around us, always.
If you are lost just ask for help
And you will find and believe
In the beauty all around you.
Forget? No. Forgive? Maybe.
Our lives are very complex. We don’t set out, especially as children, looking for pain, to be treated badly, to be terribly hurt, physically or emotionally. But it can happen to anyone, at any age. We respond to terrible experiences in different ways. We just want it to go away, we suppress the reality of what’s happened, we seek justice, we share our story with someone we trust, we live with it forever, never sharing what happened. Forget? No. Forgive? Maybe.
The complexity of our lives also means there may be more than one incident to move through. Even worse, we may learn that one or more of our family members have been abused by someone we know. For me: Forget? NO FORGIVE? NO
My Earlier Years - What happened to me?
Child Sexual Abuse
Intimidation
Stalking
Sexual Manipulation
Sexual Harassment
Domestic Violence
All by 22
My Earlier Years - Who Was I?
1-6 Happy baby, happy kid
7-12 Confusing times
13-18 Lots of boyfriends
18-19 Sexually active
18 Off to college
18-19 Pregnant with first child
19 Married
20-22 Physical abuse experiences
21-22 Two more children
22 Pregnant with fourth child
22 I am okay
All by 22
